| These Lost Minds Are Corrupted...Mine Too |
[20 Dec 2004|11:19am] |
ALL I NEED IS ONE LIFE, ONE TRY, ONE BREATH I'M ONE MAN
WHAT I STAND FOR SPEAKS FOR ITSELF, THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND
Or wanna see me on top, too egotistical
Talkin all that slick shit, THE SAME WAY THESE BITCHES DO!
Wonder what my secrets is? niggaz'll move on you
only if they know, what your weakness is, I HAVE NONE!
Too late to grab guns, I'm blastin cause I'm a cool nigga.
Thought I wouldn't have that ass done? Fooled you niggaz.
What you call a infinite brawl, eternal souls clashin,
War gets deep, SOME BEEF IS EVERLASTING!
Complete with thick scars, brothers knifin each other
up in prison yards, drama, where does it start?
We the strongest hood but its the BITCHES that kill it!
I've been fucked over, left for dead, dissed and fogotten
Luck ran out, they hoped that I'd be gone, stiff and rotten
Y'all just piss on me, shit on me, spit on my grave
Talk about me, laugh behind my back but in my face
Y'all some "well wishers," friendly actin, ENVY HIDIN SNAKES!
I'm scared of this rage so I gotta write.
As soon as I opened eyes and realized,
every bitch act got me tight...Fuck!
I NEED a fight, so what, I'm white and hype.
So if you got an issue with me, bring it to my face,
Buncha pussies! Disgrace....I...Will...Not...Lose
|
|
| Good Times, Good Times....So They Say |
[23 Sep 2004|02:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Atreyu - The Remembrance Ballad |
] |
As everyone knows, everything good must have their endings, so this is where one of my endings takes place. This journal contains a lot of my teenage year memories, but most of all, it revolves around 2 girls.....2 girls = 2 years = a waste of fuckin time, lol. Nah, it wasn't all a waste of time, they made me a better person, and I'm thankful for it.....Anyway, hopefully maybe one day I'll remember it when I'm like 30 or something, ya know? I'll open it up and read every fuckin page. I know I would....Yeah, so this is the closure of my heart for the past 2 years, where I ran to when I needed someone and nobody was around....I really wanna say thanks to those some people that have been there for me in this journal, and that this journey really showed me where my friends are.....Before I get all sobby, lol, I just wanna end on a good note.....Too bad I can't think of a really good quote to end my last entry, haha, its not like me.....Anyway, its been fun....But I'm steppin out. This was every feeling from my heart, recorded in a journal, but now its time, to close it...
Live Everyday, As if it's Your Last...
- Nick
|
|
| Regret Me, Don't Forget Me |
[21 Sep 2004|12:36am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
hopeful |
] |
Its like yo, I really wanna be her friend still cause we used to be mad cool. I was really thinkin about it today and with everything we did. It sucks that this had to kill all of that. She still doesn't understand that I feel for her, and always will, but it goes over her head all the time. I guess what I'm tryin to say is that I loved what we had, it was something that I never had with another girl, and I realized that today. All those stupid games we played were dumb, and it wasn't needed at all...Today was a very reminisent day for me, and it kinda got to me. Sometimes I'll be good, but then those other times get me, when I start to think and remember everything. I write songs with just plain out memories in them, its as plain out as you can be really....I'd love for her to call me one day and just wanna talk to me, but I shouldn't fight alone. Thats where it ends......Every word was meant. No feelings lost, none gained, but still true......I'm not one to turn around and forget.
Regret me all you want, But please don't forget me.
|
|
| And My Feelings Fade, With My Healing Scars |
[20 Sep 2004|12:42am] |
|
So when are you gonna realize that it doesn't bother me at all? Lmao...Me and Mike just chilled from like 10 to 12:30 in my car just fuckin bullshittin. I wished him a happy birthday at 12. I got Tony too, and I need to call Lucy later today. Me and Mike met up with Joesephine for like 10 minutes, but the rest of the time was histerical. I chilled at Joe's house before that, smoked mad Ls, played Socom on PS2....Got to wear my leather coat today, the smell reminded me of Italy. Found out I still got a recording of Lauren snoring into my phone, lol....Me and Mike were fuckin around with that too, lol.....Anyway, it was a great weekend, but everyday now is like a weekend to me. Thats why college kicks ass, fucked up every night....I don't really remember too much of the weekend anyway, I don't know what falls into what days, ya know? So thats gonna be my concluding sentence....Later.
|
|
|
[18 Sep 2004|02:10am] |
|
Crazy shit, mad crazy shit thats goin down. I'm too fucked up to explain anything. Drinkin is great, I forgot....Haha
|
|
| Its Not All That It Seems To Be......But More |
[13 Sep 2004|12:58am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Genuine - Differences |
] |
OMG, smokefest 2004 just took place last night, on september 11th. It was Joe's brother's birthday so they had like 8 drug dealers at Joe's sister's house. It was like blunt after blunt, maybe like 12 of them....It was like, once one went around, another one was being rolled...I was so toasted trying to watch the little rascals, lol....Anyway, after that I smoked a blunt with my friend Erica, we caught up a little, it was cool. Talked about some serious shit, but it was cool. After that, at like 2 in the morning I went to meet up with Brendon at his brother's house and got drunk. I was so fucked up, it was horrible. We had a great fuckin time at Collin's house, it was great. So twisted tryin to play chess, haha....Anyway, tonight I got fucked up too. Little from both worlds, haha....Erica called me tonight and told me she was gonna light me up tomorrow or tuesday, so thats good. I'm gonna teach her how to roll, cause she doesn't know how and it bothers me....Anyway, great fuckin weekend, and long....Me and Brendon chilled and got drunk at my house the other night when my parents were gone for a night. We were callin up mad people at like 3 in the morning but it was dead. We got drunk and passed out, he crashed here, it was cool....Anyway, need my rest cause I got some homework to do inbetween classes tomorrow and I got a long day of classes ahead of me so I'm gonna be out people....Later
|
|
| I Hope You Choke, On Those Words That Kissed Your Bottle |
[09 Sep 2004|11:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Shyne - More or Less |
] |
Today was pretty interesting, cause my mom had my car all day till 9. So I took the bus to CC today and walked to Mama's. Ran into Shorty and Eddie and copped some and blew it down at the old steps. Mad long time ago....I kept some for myself. We chilled at 14 for awhile when it rained, then went to Mike's by myself....On the way there I ran into a really old friend that I haven't seen in like 5 years. Erica, one of my brother's ex girlfriends from back in the day, damn....But she was really cool, she remembered me, I remembered her, we talked about a lot of shit. Alittle of exchanging numbers, shes 21 so she could get me liquor so thats cool. She said she'll probably hit me up to smoke a blunt so thats mad cool. I think she sounded alittle upset when I told her I was 17, haha, but she said I look good and got some muscles, lol....She remembers me when I was like 5 feet tall, heheh....Anyway, ran into Keegan and Joe and we caught a session with my little bit from before, haha....It was mad funny when it happened, they just walked up the block and saw me chillin, I was like wtf? It was great, chilled with Mike and Bobby later, then bounced....I'm out, later peeps
Cause everytime I write a rhyme
These bitches think its a crime
To tell em whats on my mind
I don't gotta say a word
Just flip em the bird, keep movin
I don't take shit from no one
|
|
| I Guess This is.......Fuck it.. |
[08 Sep 2004|01:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 high |
] |
College is the shit. I copped a little this morning and did my thing on the way up there and fuckin went to my first class to see Amit chillin, haha....He was in my first class, with Andrew the bassist. Then my second class a kid from my high school was in, Danny Sanchez, haha....It was mad cool, that class was 3 hours long though. He gave us a break, so I had a bogie and a drink. Its seriously mad chill up there. So many familiar faces and so many hot ones (So much hotter than you ; ).....I saw Albanian Johnny at the end of my second class, than I came home at 5:30 and met up with Joe. Had a face L, then got Josephine, Angela and Mike. We all chilled, then people bounced....I chilled with Eric for a little while, then Joshepine called me back to chill, so we blew one down....That was mad cool, we need to do that again soon cause I don't remember the last time doin that....Anyway, gotta get some sleep. Its bright and early for me tomorrow to wash my baby, and get up to school...Later peeps.
|
|
| And She Will Be Loved |
[06 Sep 2004|02:20pm] |
Haha, I got school tomorrow, but too bad I don't have to be there until 1 in the afternoon, lmao....Thats great, then I get out at like 5:30. Then again on wednesday, then I don't have school until monday agin, its amazing...Anyway, I can't wait until tomorrow, but I am a little nervous though...It doesn't really matter....I feel so much better now, as if there was sooo much weight off my shoulders recently...Finally livin my life a little better, ya know? I Don't feel like I'm tied down anymore. I've been chillin with Joe, Mike, Angela, and Josephine a lot recently, but I like that little group, its mad cool....I'm gonna try and keep my job throughout my school year, cause I'd love to stay at that job. Good money too :) I made like 500 last week, in cash, aha....Later peeps
You're so predictable ;)
|
|
| Bitches |
[04 Sep 2004|03:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Atreyu - Shot Through the Heart |
] |
Haha, and all is good that ends well....Me and Mike had a great talk just now about some personal shit, and I really think thats all I needed, ya know?....I'm about to go chill with Mike and Joe, 2 people I haven't chilled with together since like 2 months ago....Anyway, life is great, and I can't complain about anything right now.
There is no fuckin destroying me, hah
|
|
| Will Your Heart Sing In Pain? Cause Mine Screams... |
[02 Sep 2004|12:59pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Atreyu - The Remembrance Ballad |
] |
Aha, college is mad cool. I went up there this morning for the orientation, it was great.....Mad hot bitches everywhere, lol. I smoked a blunt on the way up there so I was twisted....The drama club did a skit and it was fuckin hilarious, it woke us up that early in the morning. They had a barbeque and shit, all the people are really nice, and we can smoke stoges on the campus. I was a little nervous this morning, but then it was fun. I saw a lot of people, CJ, Amit, Mike Galella, Steve Fitzsimmons, Laura, even fuckin Liz Beth that worked at Kid O' Robics, haha....It was pretty cool. Anyway, I'm out. Later people.
|
|
| But The More I Don't See You, The Less I Miss You |
[01 Sep 2004|01:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
This has really been a busy week for me. I didn't go to work this morning, I was gonna collapse. I didn't have any sleep, and monday and tuesday I worked my ass off. 15 hours on monday, and 12 on tuesday. How are you gonna work from 7:30 in the morning, to 10:30 at night? Its sick, but I'll be making mad money this check. It was real bad yesterday, towards the end of the day I had to work with Keith, but they call him the beast, lol....He was running to hand me the boxes so I could hand to the next person, screaming at all of us. Hes fuckin insane....Anyway, I don't have much time to chill this week with these hours, except at night. Last night I chilled with Mike, Angela, and Josephine, and for awhile Bobby was there. Then Bobby left, I dropped off Angela, and we chilled back at Mikes house for awhile. Dropped off Josephine, and passed out at like 12:30. Recently I haven't had any fuckin strength in my body, its all sore and tired....Me and Hanan might chill alittle later today, so thats cool. I really haven't seen her in awhile......Anyway, I'm out people.
And I'd hate to say this.....But good luck...
|
|
| Bitches....They Come, They Go |
[27 Aug 2004|12:58am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
I gave Julie a call the other day to see whats been up with Hanan recently, but shes on vacation. Shes comming back this weekend, so I'm gonna give her a call one day. Its been awhile since we chilled, and I'm actually lookin foward to chillin with her. Maybe Jigga will pick me up a bottle of hypno, haha....Anyway, I can't fall asleep, I slept too long today....I gotta get to sleep, later....
|
|
| You Can't Go Forcing Something if it's Just Not Right |
[26 Aug 2004|03:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Papa Roach - Getting Away With Murder |
] |
Damn, I just woke up, and its 3:30....I chilled with Alessio last night, and Bill and their friend Dominico, and we had a great talk about girls....I think I'm only out for myself now, and put all this shit behind me....Worry about my life now, and just do whatever it is I wanna do, ya know?....If she needs him, then I hope it all works out. I don't need another girl, men don't need girls. Need isn't the word, its more like want most of the time....Haha, you know who you are who taught me that, lol.....Anyway, College is in a week, its gonna be great, and weird. I really can't wait though.....So I'm gonna go people. See everyone later.
|
|
| Check It |
[21 Aug 2004|01:04am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Silence |
] |
So I guess me and Lauren are finally over. I think its best actually, that needed to stop....I'm single now, so whats good ladies? lol, it feels pretty good though. All I can say to them two, is good luck, and I hope he treats you better than I did....I gotta work tomorrow, so I should get some sleep....Later people
|
|
| I Needed You More...When We Wanted Us Less |
[21 Aug 2004|12:03am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Silence |
] |
The Death of Me
So now its over
So quick to find another
I'd feel at home
If you were here
Her face doesn't outline
My thoughts anymore
But this time
I'm dead inside
All I ever wanted
Was some affection
I'd fuckin kill! For
Two seconds of attention
Chorus:
So you are, the death, of me
So shocked, to finally meet you
You've been, hinding patiently
Awaiting, for my fall, my end
I'd really love it
If you would hold me
It doesn't matter now
Your mind is made up
So here's my regret, that
I really fucked up
I'd take back
Everytime I hurt you
If I could
I hope you know I would
Chorus:
So you are, the death, of me
So shocked, to finally meet you
You've been, hinding patiently
Awaiting, for my fall, my end
And I love you to death
I hope you can see
You'll witness my last breathe
Cause your the death of me
Why did you hurt me?
I wanna fix this, I wanna fix it
I'm sorry for what I said
I really want to, fix this
But its so hard, cause
I'm not your top choice
So I'll scream and scream
Untill I lose my voice
And it hurts deep inside
That my fatal attempts of love
Were pushed aside
....So I died inside
I really needed your call that night
I needed your call baby
I really needed your call that night
Right as they, turned off, the light (fade)
Goodnight babe
|
|
| Its Hard To See, When Your Eyes Are Rolling In The Back of Your Head |
[03 Aug 2004|12:51am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Atreyu |
] |
My Place I Hide
He did it to himself
Once again
So now that he falls
To the end
Her arms are wrapped
around someone else's neck
Her world collapses to him
Hes a wreck
Cause this girl, is like
The last match, on a
Windy winter day
She'll light for a blink
But shes soon to run
Gone with no trace
Chorus:
Cause she said
"Give it some time, and
Maybe it'll be fine"
But shes not comming back
So beautiful and bright
Every night I fight
My insides
My place I hide
"Why are you so shady?" she says
Well maybe, just maybe
Its cause you played me
And faked me
I can't take this anymore
No more air, its unfair
What you did to me
I hope you bleed uncontrollably
Have your glory
It won't phase me at all
Cause you'll be
The last to fall
Chorus:
Cause she said
"Give it some time, and
Maybe it'll be fine"
But shes not comming back
So beautiful and bright
Every night I fight
My insides
My place I hide
Early in the morning when she wakes
She does herself up real good
And adds the last to her gleaming eyes
A mask of lies
So watchout for her subliminal looks,
Artificial smiles, and angered thoughts
You'd better see through that disguise
Or you'll need a place to hide
Chorus:
Cause she said
"Fuck, you!
And forget about us!"
Shes not comming back
Such beauty and bright lights
The nights I fight
My insides
My place I hide
So I hide (fade out)
|
|
| Aint It Fun, When You Juh, Juh....Just Can't, Seem To Find Your Tongue |
[02 Aug 2004|02:46am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Silence |
] |
Bleeding It Up
You couldn't begin to imagine
What I'd do for you, but
You've seem to neglect
What I've been through
Recently, I'm terribly,
Losing my mind
So sit back, relax,
And give me your time
Not too long ago
You lit my world so bright
But the flame drained out
Its cold as night
Chorus:
I should've done this
A long time ago
Instead I closed my mind
Instead I missed the signs
I should've done this
A long time ago
But I just kept it up
So I just bled it up
Every little hit you made
Added to the rage you built, and
All the fucked up lies you played
Added to your fuckin guilt, so
Seriously, honestly
I'm pretty sure we're through
So sit back, relax
Watch me bleed this up
You don't look at me, how you used to
You don't kiss me, the same way
I miss the old you everyday
I should've never gone away
Chorus:
I should've done this
A long time ago
Instead I closed my mind
Instead I missed the signs
I should've done this
A long time ago
But I just kept it up
So I just bled it up
Bridge: X4
Look at me now!
I'm bleeding it up
Motherfucker
I'm bleeding it all up
Chorus:
I should've done this
A long time ago
Instead I closed my mind
Instead I missed the signs
I should've done this
A long time ago
But I just kept it up
So I just bled it up
I should've done this
So long ago (so long ago)
I closed my mind
I missed the signs
I should've done this
So fuckin long ago (so long ago)
I just kept it up
I'm bleeding it up!
|
|
| That Place In My Mind....Is That Space That You Call Mine... |
[06 Jun 2004|10:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Slipknot - The Nameless |
] |
I've shattered myself, through my whole life
Cut off the only thing, that was right
But If I never saw you again
I'd die right next to you, in the end...
So the more I'm with her, the more I feel like shit. I guess we got it settled out tonight though. We decided that we were never gonna work out again, and that we both wouldn't wanna do it again, so thats where that stands. I guess its cool to have her as a friend still though....Prom was great...I went to talk to D Money's manager yesterday, gotta call him again tomorrow to see what happened....Got a new phone, its mad cool...Thats about all I got to say.
If only you knew, that I'd give my heart to you,
But what you put me through, and what you do,
Makes me wanna scream till I'm fuckin blue.
I'll burn then drowned, not make a sound,
Won't be found, after a couple of 40's are down,
And you might miss me when I'm not around.
The good thing that came from this situation
Is the state of mind that I'm now facing...
|
|
| I'll Push My Fingers Into My Eyes |
[24 May 2004|08:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
angry |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Slipknot - Duality |
] |
Sleepless Nights
And you know you got me
Right where you want me
But I see through your act
And I've had enough, cause
When your phone won't ring tonight
I won't care a bit
And when you start to cry
I won't give a shit
Cause I'm sick, I'm done
I'm giving up on you
And I'm out, I'm through
This is what I'll put you to
Chorus:
I can bring you
Sleepless nights
And I can give you
Restless fights
I will hold you to these
Gruesome sights, but
Nothing compared to what you
Did, to, me
You don't care about anyone
But yourself
And unless you get attention
You make a scene
The drama gets to your head
Alittle too much
And all of this you get
Is what you deserve
I'll try to keep calm, but
It's quite a touchy subject
But I really wanna show you
That I hope you die!
Chorus: X2
I can bring you
Sleepless nights
And I can give you
Restless fights
I will hold you to these
Gruesome sights, but
Nothing compared to what you
Did, to, me
Fuck! Fuck you bitch!
I hope he drinks too much and swirves
Pops a couple of curbs, kills birds
Hits the brakes, brings the car to shakes
Slides uncontrollably, hits a tree
I hope your seat belt isn't on!
I hope those air bags don't work!
The last thing you'll see is that tree
Or probably me, with a big smile to be
And you with a broken face
What a fuckin taste of disgrace, and
How does a windshield taste
When you paste your face on it
And all of this cause you fucked around
Hear the sound of your jaw on the ground?
Does this fuckin hit a nerve?
Cause this is what you deserve!
Chorus: X2
I can bring you
Sleepless nights
And I can give you
Restless fights
I will hold you to these
Gruesome sights, but
Nothing compared to what you
Did, to, me
Nothing compared to what
You fuckin did to me!
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
pandasfly's journal